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The two pie charts show the online shopping sales rate in Canada for four different retail sectors from 2007 to 2009

The two pie charts show the online shopping sales rate in Canada for four different retail sectors from 2007 to 2009 6KGW3
The two pie charts illustrate the online shopping sales rate in Canada for four different retail sectors from 2007 to 2009. Overall, the largest proportion of people highly spending on electronics & appliance when compared to other three different retail sectors in Canada. There was moderate growth in video games and food sectors for both years, . In 2007, 18% of people shown their interest in the video games sector, it has slightly increased to 23% in the year 2009. In contrast, the home furnishing has plummeted almost 10% which is getting less preference in 2009 by the people. It can be clearly seen from the pie charts, that electronics & appliance fell by a small margin of 5%, in 2007 35% of people shopping the electronics appliance and it has decreased to 30% in 2009. Furthermore, there was a notable development in food and beverage retail sectors, in initial 22% of growth was risen to 32% in 2009 which is a large increase.
The two pie charts illustrate the online shopping sales rate in Canada for four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
retail
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sectors
from 2007 to 2009.

Overall
, the largest proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
highly
spending on electronics & appliance when compared to other three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
in Canada.

There was moderate growth in video games and food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
for both years
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
In 2007, 18% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
shown their interest in the video games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
, it has
slightly
increased to 23% in the year 2009.
In contrast
, the home furnishing has plummeted almost 10% which is getting less preference in 2009 by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the pie charts, that electronics & appliance fell by a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
margin of 5%, in 2007 35% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
shopping the electronics appliance and it has decreased to 30% in 2009.
Furthermore
, there was a notable development in food and beverage retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
, in initial 22% of growth
was risen
to 32% in 2009 which is a large increase.
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IELTS academic The two pie charts show the online shopping sales rate in Canada for four different retail sectors from 2007 to 2009

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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