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The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010.

The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. AjBOM
The Given Pie chart illustrate the Comparison of Online sales from shopping in Retail in Canada between 2005 and 2010 in Percentage. As it is observed, sales Electronics appliances and Home furnishing dropped, whereas, demand for Video games and Food Increased during the five years. We can see that in 2005 the major sales was in Electronics goods which over the period of time declined by 5% and becoming second dominant sector by 2010. While, Home furnishing decreased by 10% and Food & Beverage increased by 10% between 5 years, leaving Home furnishing from Second dominant Sector to the sector with lowest sales and Food and beverages The most dominant sector during the Period. Interestingly video game sales overtook the place of Food & Beverage and becoming 3rd sector with highest sales. Still represent 23% of the market which earlier was 18% of the market.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
Pie chart illustrate the Comparison of Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
from shopping in Retail in Canada between 2005 and 2010 in Percentage.

As it
is observed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
Electronics appliances and Home furnishing dropped, whereas, demand for Video games and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
Increased during the five years.

We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that in 2005 the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
was in Electronics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
which over the period of time declined by 5% and becoming second dominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
by 2010.

While, Home furnishing decreased by 10% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
& Beverage increased by 10% between 5 years, leaving Home furnishing from Second dominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sector
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and
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Food
and beverages The most dominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
during the Period.
Interestingly
video game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
overtook the place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
& Beverage and becoming 3rd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
Still
represent 23% of the market which earlier was 18% of the market.
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IELTS academic The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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