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The two graphs below show the percentage of smokers and the consumption of alcohol in litres in selected countries for the period 1960 to 2000.

The given two linegraphs illustrate the ratio of people who were smoking as well as drinking alcohol, in liters, by three nation's people such as USA, Japan, Holland in the year between 1960 and 2000. overall, the proportion of smokers followed downword trend. However, the consumption of alcohol of Holland had peaked the highest liters as compared to other both countries by per person. For smoking, America stood at 40 percent in 1960. Thenafter, it diminished slightly up to next 20 year, with more than 35 percent. Then, it fell drastically by 15 percent nearly. The most notable thing is that Japan started at to near 50 percent in 1960 and decreased by 3 percent in the next two decades while the data of Holland was near 60 percent and crossed to Japan in the same time. Next, both countries followed similar trend over the given year, dipped by approximately 10 percent. Stated further, USA and Holland had the highest data of alcohol consumption. The data was started by near 4 and almost 8 liter in 1960 and both countries had 20 liter gap in the next following year. Also, Japan had not much fluctuation in consumption of alcohol from 1 to almost 2 liter till 2000.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
two
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linegraphs
illustrate the ratio of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who were smoking
as well
as drinking
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alcohol
, in liters, by three nation's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
such
A determiner is probably missing here: "as the USA".
as USA
,
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Japan
, Holland in the
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year
between 1960 and 2000.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
, the proportion of smokers followed
Possible spelling mistake found.
downword
trend.
However
, the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
of Holland had peaked the highest liters as compared to other both countries by per person.

For smoking, America stood at 40
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percent
in 1960.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thenafter
, it diminished
slightly
up to
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next
20
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year
, with more than 35
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percent
. Then, it fell
drastically
by 15
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percent
nearly
. The most notable thing is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at to near 50
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percent
in 1960 and decreased by 3
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percent
in the
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next
two decades while the data of Holland was near 60
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percent
and crossed to
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Japan
in the same time.
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Next
, both countries followed similar trend over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
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year
, dipped by approximately 10 percent.

Stated
further
, USA and Holland had the highest data of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
consumption. The data was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
by near 4 and almost 8 liter in 1960 and both countries had 20 liter
Possible agreement error. The noun 'gap' seems to be countable, so consider using: "gaps".
gap
in the
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next
following
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year
.
Also
,
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Japan
had not much fluctuation in consumption of
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alcohol
from 1 to almost 2 liter till 2000.
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IELTS academic The two graphs below show the percentage of smokers and the consumption of alcohol in litres in selected countries for the period 1960 to 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
207 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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