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The two given pie charts depict the proportion of these household expenses in two Asia countries, namely Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

The two given pie charts depict the proportion of these household expenses in two Asia countries, namely Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. b2QlB
The two given pie charts depict the proportion of these household expenses in two Asia countries, namely Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. At the first glance, it is clear that the percentage of housing had a high density in two countries in 2010. Moreover, the figure for health care was lowest. As is presented in the graph, the percentage of the Japanese’s housing reaches at 29%, however, in Malaysia is a little less than those in Japan, made up 26%. After that, these products consumed in Japan and Malaysia accounts for a quarter, at 24% and 27% respectively. Regarding to proportion of transportation in Japan, it is two fold increase in those in Malaysia, consisted 20%. In terms of health care, it is less common than others in Asia countries, at 6% and 3% respectively. Additionally, other goods and services comprise 21% in Japan while in Malaysia, it is much more than those in Japan, took up 34%.
The two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts depict the proportion of these household expenses in two Asia countries,
namely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and Malaysia in the year 2010.

At the
first
glance, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the percentage of housing had a high density in two countries in 2010.
Moreover
, the figure for health care was lowest.

As
is presented
in the graph, the percentage of the Japanese’s housing reaches at 29%,
however
, in Malaysia is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
less than those in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, made up 26%. After that, these products consumed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and Malaysia accounts for a quarter, at 24% and 27%
respectively
.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
proportion of transportation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, it is
The adjective or adverb 'twofold' needs to be written as one word.
two fold
increase in those in Malaysia, consisted 20%. In terms of health care, it is less common than others in Asia countries, at 6% and 3%
respectively
.
Additionally
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services comprise 21% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
while in Malaysia, it is much more than those in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, took up 34%.
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IELTS academic The two given pie charts depict the proportion of these household expenses in two Asia countries, namely Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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