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The table shows the most common medical treatments needed by employees at todai electronics in 2010.

The table shows the most common medical treatments needed by employees at todai electronics in 2010. BgRbd
The tabular chart depicts the information regarding most common medical treatments needed by employees at todai electronics in 2010. The data has been calibrated in numbers. Overall, it can be seen that majority of males and females had minor eyes related problems as compared to other diseases. After having a myopic observation, it is identified that 23 male had minor foot injury whereas the count of female worker was 2. Only 2 male employees were serious with regards to foot injury. Moreover, 1 male worker had arm injury. It is interesting to see that hand injury did not effect women. Furthermore, the problem of minor ingested chemicals had been observed by 42 males. However, the count of 24 women was affected by it. It is seen that 1 male worker had needed hospitalisation. In addition to this, 31 men faced minor hearing problem with law frequency and no body required hospitalisation, only 3 female worker had been suffered from hearing problems. Majority of males and females had minor eyes related problems by accounted as 54 and 24 respectively. The number of male and female workers who need further treatment was 10 and 3 accordingly.
The tabular chart depicts the information regarding most common medical treatments needed by employees at
Possible spelling mistake found.
todai
electronics in 2010. The data has
been calibrated
in numbers.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minor
eyes related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
as compared to other diseases.

After having a myopic observation, it
is identified
that 23 male had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minor
foot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injury
whereas the count of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
was 2.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
2 male employees were serious
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
foot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injury
.
Moreover
, 1 male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
had arm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injury
. It is interesting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injury
did not
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
women.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minor
ingested chemicals had
been observed
by 42
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
.
However
, the count of 24 women was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by it. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that 1 male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
had needed
Possible spelling mistake. 'hospitalisation' is British English.
hospitalisation
.

In addition
to this, 31
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
faced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minor
hearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with law frequency and
Did you mean "nobody"?
no body
required
Possible spelling mistake. 'hospitalisation' is British English.
hospitalisation
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
had
been suffered
from hearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minor
eyes related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by accounted as 54 and 24
respectively
. The number of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who need
further
treatment was 10 and 3
accordingly
.
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IELTS academic The table shows the most common medical treatments needed by employees at todai electronics in 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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