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The table shows the information about the improvements in medical care in 3 different countries between 1980 and 2000

The table shows the information about the improvements in medical care in 3 different countries between 1980 and 2000 DqNqp
The given table illustrates the health care facilities as well as the improvement throughout the year 1980 and 2000 in three countries namely Australia, United Kingdom and United State. Overall, in term of the number of patients, there was an upward trend during the whole period, while the opposite trend was witnessed in the amount of time stay in the hospital. According to the number of patients, civilian in the UK are more vulnerable to diseases than the other countries, claiming the top spot for patients with 200 thousand people in 1908 and continuous to rise up to 260 cases in the year 2000. Likewise, in the second place is the US with 150 thousand patients in the 1980 and ends up with 185 thousand in 2000, respectively. However, Australia, which started with lowest number of medical cases than UK and US, at 80 thousand in 1908, saw a less remarkable increase than the other countries in the next period. In fact, Australia experiences a drop from 100 thousand people in 1990 to 90 thousand in 2000. Regarding to the length of stay in the hospital, United Kingdom, which accounted for the longest number of days throughout the period. Followed up by the US and at the least was Australia. Noticeably, all three countries experienced the same downward trend. Turning to the number of beds provided in the hospital, while both US and AUS encounter a slight drop in proportion of beds in 1990, UK was the only nation undergo a constant increase.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table illustrates the health care facilities
as well
as the improvement throughout the year 1980 and 2000 in three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
namely
Australia, United Kingdom and United State.

Overall
, in term of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
, there was an upward trend during the whole period, while the opposite trend
was witnessed
in the amount of time stay in the hospital.

According to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
, civilian in the UK are more vulnerable to diseases than the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, claiming the top spot for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
with 200 thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 1908 and continuous to rise up to 260 cases in the year 2000.
Likewise
, in the second place is the US with 150 thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
in the 1980 and ends up with 185 thousand in 2000,
respectively
.
However
, Australia, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of medical cases than UK and US, at 80 thousand in 1908,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a less remarkable increase than the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the
next
period. In fact, Australia experiences a drop from 100 thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 1990 to 90 thousand in 2000.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
the length of stay in the hospital, United Kingdom, which accounted for the longest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of days throughout the period. Followed up by the US and at the least was Australia.
Noticeably
, all three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
experienced the same downward trend. Turning to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of beds provided in the hospital, while both US and AUS encounter a slight drop in proportion of beds in 1990, UK was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
nation undergo a constant increase.
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IELTS academic The table shows the information about the improvements in medical care in 3 different countries between 1980 and 2000

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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