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percentage of people on different group

percentage of people on different group q15DD
The given line graph depicts the breakdown of audiences in various age groups in a city who participate music concerts between 2010 and 2015. Overall, the demographical figures tell us all age group experienced increases over the period surveyed. Another notable feature is that audiences aged between 16 to 24 had faster growth than any other age group. In 2010, the highest ratio of audience attended music concert belonged to aldult group with above 50%, which was approximately two times as high as that of elder people. The respective figures for teenager and people aged 45 to 64 groups were drastically, at the same 40%, whereas older group attended lest with just merely 10%. Over the following 5 years, the highest rate of increase belonged to teenager group, being the top proportion of the whole table. Similarly, aged 45 to 64 and older groups rose in its attendance, at 59% and 21% respectively. In addition, audiences aged 25 to 44 experienced a fluctuation over the period. However, aldult group attended music concert was an exception which decreased slightly at merely 21%.
The
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given
line graph depicts the breakdown of
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audiences
in various age
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groups
in a city who participate music concerts between 2010 and 2015.

Overall
, the
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demographical
figures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us all age
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group
experienced increases over the period surveyed. Another notable feature is that
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audiences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 16 and 24".
between 16 to 24
had faster growth than any other age group.

In 2010, the highest ratio of
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audience
attended music concert belonged to
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aldult
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group
with above 50%, which was approximately two times as high as that of elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The respective figures for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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aged
45 to 64
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groups
were
drastically
, at the same 40%, whereas older
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group
attended lest with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
merely
10%.

Over the following 5 years, the highest rate of increase belonged to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, being the top proportion of the whole table.
Similarly
,
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aged
45 to 64 and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
rose in its attendance, at 59% and 21%
respectively
.
In addition
,
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audiences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
25 to 44 experienced a fluctuation over the period.
However
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
aldult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
attended music concert was an exception which decreased
slightly
at
merely
21%.
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IELTS academic percentage of people on different group

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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