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The table shows different age group with different sector jobs in the uk.

The table shows different age group with different sector jobs in the uk. GML7L
The table represents the data about how many people in different age groups working in job sectors in the UK between 1998 and 2006. Overall, the highest number of people worked in the technology field, while only a few people involved in that sector in 1998. Now, turning to the details, in the hotel and catering, most of the workers used to be much younger in 1998, and they were under 26 calculated 25 & 64. In 2006, the majority of workers were under 46, counted 21, 303. While only 7544 people over 46 used to be worked in hotel and catering service. Similarly, the majority of workers were junior in the building sector, they were counted 112, 565 in 1998, while the number decreased dramatically in 2006. In every age, the number of people worked in the building and construction in 1998, decreased in 2006. It can be seen that technology was the popular job sector among the age group 26-35. In 1998, 63889 people would work in technology, while the amount rose significantly at 454, 375 in 2006, and this was the sector where the highest number of workers involved in comparison to other sectors. In 1998, the almost same number of people chose to work in the education sector in 36-45 and 46-56 age groups, and there was not that significant change in 2006. Although, people used to like to work in education who were over 56.
The table represents the data about how
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many
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people
in
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different
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age
groups working in job
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sectors
in the UK between 1998 and 2006.

Overall
, the highest
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number
of
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people
worked in the technology field, while
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only
a few
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people
involved in that
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sector
in 1998.

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Now
, turning to the
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details
, in the hotel and catering, most of the
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workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be much younger in 1998, and they were under 26 calculated 25 & 64. In 2006, the majority of
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workers
were under 46, counted 21, 303. While
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
7544
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people
over 46
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be worked
in hotel and catering service.
Similarly
, the majority of
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workers
were junior in the building
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sector
, they
were counted
112, 565 in 1998, while the
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number
decreased
dramatically
in 2006. In every
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age
, the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worked in the building and construction in 1998, decreased in 2006.

It can be
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seen
that technology was the popular job
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sector
among the
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age
group 26-35. In 1998, 63889
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people
would work in technology, while the amount rose
significantly
at 454, 375 in 2006, and this was the
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sector
where the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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workers
involved
in comparison
to other sectors.

In 1998, the almost same
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number
of
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people
chose to work in the education
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sector
in 36-45 and 46-56
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age
groups, and there was not that significant
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change
in 2006.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
,
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to like to work in education who were over 56.
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IELTS academic The table shows different age group with different sector jobs in the uk.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
240 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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