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In many countries today, the average weight of children is increasing. What can be done to resolve this issue?

In many countries today, the average weight of children is increasing. What can be done to resolve this issue? AjJKw
Childhood obesity is rising at an alarming rate in the developed world. The only way to address this problem is for parents, school and governments to each take some responsibility for the issue. Schools have to educate young people abount diet. There is a lot of misinformation about health in the media today, and consequently, many children don't have enough information to decide what is genuinely nutritious. If children have real scientific knowledge about the effect fast food has on their bodies, they will be much less likely to make bad food choices. Parents should also monitor what their children eat. The major reason for childhood obesity is not what children consume at the dining table, but what they eat between meals. Parents ought to write down the snacks children have throughout the day, which would allow them to suitably adjust portion size at meal times. As most parents prepare their children's meals themselves, implementation this solution would be relatively easy. The government may be able to ban fast food restaurants selling meals to unaccompanied minorts Young children and teenagers are often not mature enough to make healthy eating choices themselves. If young people were unable to purchase convenience food themselves, then the intake of these unnecessary calories would be significantly reduced. While I concede that this would be an unpopular move with the fast food industry, the health of the next generation must be put before profit. In conclusion, only when parents feed their children less and schools educate their pupils more, will the obesity epidemic be overcome.
Childhood obesity is rising at an alarming rate in the developed world. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to address this problem is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, school and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to each take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
responsibility for the issue.

Schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
educate young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
abount
diet. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
misinformation about health in the media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, and
consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
information to decide what is
genuinely
nutritious. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have real scientific knowledge about the effect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has on their bodies, they will be much less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
choices.

Parents should
also
monitor what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eat. The major reason for childhood obesity is not what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
consume at the dining table,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what they eat between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
ought to write down the snacks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have throughout the day, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
suitably
adjust portion size at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
times. As most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
prepare their children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
themselves, implementation this solution would be
relatively
easy.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
may be able to ban
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
to unaccompanied
Possible spelling mistake found.
minorts
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
healthy eating choices themselves. If young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
themselves, then the intake of these unnecessary calories would be
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. While I concede that this would be an unpopular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry, the health of the
next
generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
profit.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
feed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
less and schools educate their pupils more, will the obesity epidemic
be overcome
.

IELTS academic In many countries today, the average weight of children is increasing. What can be done to resolve this issue?

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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