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The table illustrates the rate of women involving in senior management in 3 different companies during 40 years of period.

The table illustrates the rate of women involving in senior management in 3 different companies during 40 years of period. RVX9W
The table illustrates the rate of women involving in senior management in 3 different companies during 40 years of period. In 1975 and 1980, there was the lowest rate of women participation with 3% in Eldan LYT. Then, the percentage rose to 14% after 5 years. By 1990, it became double after that it rise by 5% rise in 2000. Followed up, with nearly twofold jump in 2015, the highest for the three companies. While, the rate was triple in Bamford LTD during first period. Then, it increased by 2% till 2000. In 2015, nearly half percent of women used to work in senior management position. Though, Finsbury LTD was at the peak in the 1975 with 16%. There was fluctuation in between 1975 to 2010. In 2015, it has got the least rate in compared with other companies with 26%.
The table illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of women involving in senior management in 3
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
during 40 years of period.

In 1975 and 1980, there was the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of women participation with 3% in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eldan
Possible spelling mistake found.
LYT
. Then, the percentage rose to 14% after 5 years. By 1990, it became double after that it rise by 5% rise in 2000. Followed up, with
nearly
twofold jump in 2015, the highest for the three
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, the
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rate
was triple in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bamford
LTD during
first
period. Then, it increased by 2% till 2000. In 2015,
nearly
half percent of women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to work in senior management position.

“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Finsbury
LTD was at the peak in the 1975 with 16%. There was fluctuation in
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1975 and 2010".
between 1975 to 2010
. In 2015, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in compared with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
with 26%.
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IELTS academic The table illustrates the rate of women involving in senior management in 3 different companies during 40 years of period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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