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The table describe a result of a survey by a magazine

The table describe a result of a survey by a magazine MmYPL
Education is an integral part of life in today's world where some individuals think that getting educated within the institutions can only bring success while others believe it not necessary. I partially agree with the statement because I believe that success can not only be secured by studying in universities but at the same time education has its own significance. Firstly, People define success in different ways and many successful people are there who had not got any education and still getting success day by day. Moreover, they better at using their talent and have risen to the top in their chosen professions. For instance, Mr. Dhirubhai Ambani had just only done his schooling still he got an immense success in his business, and he founded reliance group which is now biggest and wealthiest in India. Consequently, success should not be availed only by getting the degrees universities the people also need that talent. On the other hand, education has its own significance for ensuring success as one can get a proper guidance in institutions along with the knowledge for getting the real success in any particular profession. For example, any person who fully completes his education from universities in any field will have enough skill to become succeed in his goals along with a proper steps towards success. Hence, education is necessary for living a good and successful life. In my point of view, education is not mandatory for getting success but getting proper education will not only bring the success but also built the personality of an individual and it will make a person able to plan for long term and work hard for securing success. In conclusion, education plays a very vital role in life so each and every individual should get enough education for the true success.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is an integral part of life in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that getting educated within the institutions can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
while others believe it not necessary. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
be secured
by studying in universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significance.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
define
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are there who had not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
still
getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
day by day.
Moreover
, they better at using their talent and have risen to the top in their chosen professions.
For instance
, Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dhirubhai
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ambani
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
done his schooling
still
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
an immense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in his business, and he founded reliance group which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
biggest and wealthiest in India.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
should not
be availed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
by getting the degrees universities the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
need that talent.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significance for ensuring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
as one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a proper guidance in institutions along with the knowledge for getting the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in any particular profession.
For example
, any person who
fully
completes his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from universities in any field will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to become succeed in his goals along with a proper steps towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is necessary for living a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and successful life.

In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not mandatory for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
getting proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
bring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
built the personality of an individual and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person able to plan for long term and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for securing success.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital role in life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
each and every individual should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for the true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.

IELTS academic The table describe a result of a survey by a magazine

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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