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The table below shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufacturers in the years 2005and 2005.

The table below shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufacturers in the years 2005and 2005. dxj2
The table chart demonstrates the worldwide market share of the mobile phone sale in 2005 and 2006. Overall, the nokia companies were showing highest percentage in both years but the Benqmobile followed low trend as compared to other mobile phone companies. To begin with, the nokia company was 32. 5% mobile phone sale in 2005, which increased 35% in 2006. While, in 2005, Motorola and sonyericsson company sales mobile phone was 17. 7% and 6. 3% respectively. But, in 2006, the sale of Motorola and sonyericsson mobile phones were rose 21. 1% and 7. 4%. However, Samsung and l. G companies mobile phone was 12. 7% and 6. 7% saled in 2005 but in 2006 it's declined 1. 1% and 0. 4% respectively. On the other hand, 4. 9% Benqmobile sales in 2005 which declined 2. 5% in 2006. whereas, others companies sale mobile phone 19. 2% and 16. 2% in 2005 and 2006 respectively.
The table chart demonstrates the worldwide market share of the mobile
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phone
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sale
in 2005 and 2006.
Overall
, the
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nokia
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companies
were showing
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
percentage in both years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
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Benqmobile
followed low trend as compared to other mobile
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phone
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companies
. To
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begin
with, the
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nokia
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company
was 32. 5% mobile
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phone
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sale
in 2005, which increased 35% in 2006. While, in 2005, Motorola and
Possible spelling mistake found.
sonyericsson
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company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
was 17. 7% and 6. 3%
respectively
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in 2006, the
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sale
of Motorola and
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sonyericsson
mobile
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phones
were rose 21. 1% and 7. 4%.
However
, Samsung and l. G
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companies
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
was 12. 7% and 6. 7%
Possible spelling mistake found.
saled
in 2005
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2006 it's declined 1. 1% and 0. 4%
respectively
.
On the other hand
, 4. 9%
Possible spelling mistake found.
Benqmobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in 2005 which declined 2. 5% in 2006.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
, others
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companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
19. 2% and 16. 2% in 2005 and 2006
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The table below shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufacturers in the years 2005and 2005.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
155 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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