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The Table below shows the results of a survey that asked 6800 Scottish adults (aged 16 years and over) whether they had taken part in different cultural activities in the past 12 months.

The Table below shows the results of a survey that asked 6800 Scottish adults (aged 16 years and over) whether they had taken part in different cultural activities in the past 12 months. EEOq
The table compares the survey results about being a part of various traditional activities by 6800 young people with the age of 16 and above in Scotland in previous 12 months. Overall, it is clear that the most popular activity was any performance in every age group except 45-74, and they have the greatest popular activity was undertaking any crafts while the least popular activity was computer-based in all demographics. However, crafts and cultural purchases were equally popular in 16-24 and 25-44 ages, and writing and computer base were equally popular in the 45-74 age group. In terms of any performance, this was the largest popular activity in 16-24 with 35%, and this was the least popular in 45-74 with 17%. Regarding 16-24 and 25-44 age groups, they have equally participated in crafts and cultural purchases with 11% and 17% respectively. With regards to visual arts, it was extremely popular in 16- 24 with 35% which was roughly equal to any performance while 45-74 were least interested in doing this. In addition, in writing and computer-based, 16-24 age group contributed to 17% and 10% sequentially; however, both of them were equal percentage in 45-74 with 5% whilst percentages of these activities were less than 10% in other age groups.
The table compares the survey results about being a part of various traditional
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activities
by 6800 young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with the
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age
of 16 and above in Scotland in previous 12 months.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the most
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popular
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activity
was any performance in every
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age
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group
except 45-74, and they have the greatest
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popular
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activity
was undertaking any crafts while the least
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popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
was computer-based in all demographics.
However
, crafts and cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
were
equally
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popular
in 16-24 and 25-44
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ages
, and writing and computer base were
equally
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popular
in the 45-74
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age
group.

In terms of any performance, this was the largest
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popular
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activity
in 16-24 with 35%, and this was the least
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popular
in 45-74 with 17%. Regarding 16-24 and 25-44
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age
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groups
, they have
equally
participated in crafts and cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
with 11% and 17%
respectively
.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
visual arts, it was
extremely
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popular
in
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
16- 24
with 35% which was roughly equal to any performance while 45-74 were least interested in doing this.
In addition
, in writing and computer-based, 16-24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
contributed to 17% and 10%
sequentially
;
however
, both of them were equal percentage in 45-74 with 5% whilst percentages of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
were less than 10% in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.
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IELTS academic The Table below shows the results of a survey that asked 6800 Scottish adults (aged 16 years and over) whether they had taken part in different cultural activities in the past 12 months.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
209 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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