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the table below show the average monthly temperature and the average number of sunshine per year in three major cities.

the table below show the average monthly temperature and the average number of sunshine per year in three major cities. y95g
The graph provides a report of the average monthly temperature and average number of hours of sunshine in the cities London, New York, and Sydney. The average temperature is calculated across the whole year with statistics noted in the graph. The temperature curve for London and New York are similar and evidently the temperature pattern of the two cities have a correlation. While New York has warmer summer and colder winters London has a smaller rise in the temperature from winter to summer. Both the cities have peak temperature in the month of july where the temperature is 30 degrees in New York and 24 degrees in London. and the least temperature is measured in the month of december and january falling up to approximately 5 degrees in New York and 10 degrees in London. Contrastingly Sydney's lowest temperature is recorded in the month of july which is 20 degrees and highest temperature is recorded in the month of january raising to 25 degrees. Comparatively the variation in temperature is lowest for Sydney. Coming to the hours of sunshine, Sydney and Newyork have similar averages of 2, 473 hours and 2, 535 hours respectively whereas it only 1, 180 for London. Evidently, New York is the hottest city with highest hours of sunshine and London is the coldest city with fewer hours of sunshine compared to the other two. Sydney on the other hand has a moderate overall climate.
The graph provides a report of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
monthly
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temperature
and
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average
number of
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hours
of
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sunshine
in the
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cities
London,
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New
York, and Sydney. The
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average
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temperature
is calculated
across the whole year with statistics noted in the graph.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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temperature
curve for London and
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New
York are similar and
evidently
the
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temperature
pattern of the two
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cities
have a correlation. While
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New
York has warmer summer and colder winters London has a smaller rise in the
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temperature
from winter to summer. Both the
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cities
have peak
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temperature
in the
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month
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
july
where the
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temperature
is 30
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degrees
in
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New
York and 24
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degrees
in London.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
the least
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temperature
is measured
in the
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month
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
december
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
january
falling up to approximately 5
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degrees
in
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New
York and 10
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degrees
in London.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Contrastingly
Sydney's lowest
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temperature
is recorded
in the
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month
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
july
which is 20
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degrees
and highest
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temperature
is recorded
in the
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month
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
january
raising to 25
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degrees
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Comparatively
the variation in
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temperature
is lowest for Sydney.

Coming to the
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hours
of
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sunshine
, Sydney and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newyork
have similar
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averages
of 2, 473
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hours
and 2, 535
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hours
respectively
whereas it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1, 180 for London.

Evidently
,
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New
York is the hottest city with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
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sunshine
and London is the coldest city with fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sunshine
compared to the other two. Sydney
on the other hand
has a moderate
overall
climate.
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IELTS academic the table below show the average monthly temperature and the average number of sunshine per year in three major cities.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
239 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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