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The table below give information about student enrolments at Brighton in 1990,2000,2010. summarise the information.

The table below give information about student enrolments at Brighton in 1990, 2000, 2010. rL6nN
From the Data, the graph indicates student enrolments at Brighton over 20 years between 1990 to 2010. Brighton is a co-ed secondary school which is a privately running and free-paying institution. Firstly, the no of students enrolled in 1990 was 800 whereas a dramatical growth took place to 3400 in 2010, which is the full capacity of the school. Meanwhile the male students intake are always dominating when compared with female students. Explicitly the female student enrolments declined thereafter by about 10% by 2010. When we take account of percentage of students residing within 5 miles of school has staggering drop of 20%. However the overseas students has shown significant variation in enrolment. Not only the EU students percentage fall but also non-EU overseas students rise. Additionally, a major growth in student enrolments from the rest of the world happened from 0% to 24%. In fact the school has reached to a target goal 25% of overall overseas students.
From the Data, the graph indicates
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student
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
at Brighton over 20 years
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1990 and 2010".
between 1990 to 2010
. Brighton is a co-ed secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
which is a
privately
running and free-paying institution.

Firstly
, the
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
of
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students
enrolled in 1990 was 800 whereas a
Possible spelling mistake found.
dramatical
growth took place to 3400 in 2010, which is the full capacity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
the male
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "students'" or "student's"?
students
intake are always dominating when compared with female
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students
.
Explicitly
the female
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student
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
declined thereafter by about 10% by 2010.

“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
we take account of percentage of
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students
residing within
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
5 miles
of
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school
has staggering drop of 20%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
has shown significant variation in
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the EU
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students
percentage fall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
non-EU overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
rise.
Additionally
, a major growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
from the rest of the world happened from 0% to 24%. In fact the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has reached to a target goal 25% of
overall
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
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IELTS academic The table below give information about student enrolments at Brighton in 1990, 2000, 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
159 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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