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the quantities of wares transported in the UK by different modes of transport

the quantities of wares transported in the UK by different modes of transport BJgEV
The quantities of wares shifted in the UK by four different modes of transport namely, road, water, rail, and pipeline between 1974 and 2002. The usage of all ways to shift commodities from 1974 to 1978 are at same range with no increase regarding their way of transport is shown in line graph. Firstly, the usage of road way to convey goods are on peak as compared to the other ways with 70 million tonnes from the year 1974 and it os gradually increased till 2002. However the railways are at minimal and fluctuated. In particular the railways has fluctuations with 40 million tonnes in 1974 and slightly fall after 1978 to 30 million tonnes and rise after 1984. On the other hand, the least used way to convey wares in UK is pipeline with less than 10 million tonnes. In specific, the pipeline is less used and after 1978 it kept to rose, about 20 million tonnes which significantly increased till 2002. In conclusion, the transport ways to move goods in UK between 1974 and 2002. All ways are at minimal till the year 1978.
The quantities of wares shifted in the UK by four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
modes of transport
namely
, road, water, rail, and pipeline between 1974 and 2002. The usage of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to shift commodities from 1974 to 1978 are at same range with no increase regarding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of transport
is shown
in line graph.

Firstly
, the usage of road
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way
to convey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are on peak as compared to the other
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ways
with 70
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million
tonnes from the year 1974 and
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it os
gradually
increased till 2002.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the railways are at minimal and fluctuated.
In particular
the railways has fluctuations with 40
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million
tonnes in 1974 and
slightly
fall after 1978 to 30
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million
tonnes and rise after 1984.
On the other hand
, the least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
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way
to convey wares in UK is pipeline with less than 10
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million
tonnes. In specific, the pipeline is less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and after 1978 it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
to rose, about 20
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million
tonnes which
significantly
increased till 2002.
In conclusion
, the transport
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ways
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in UK between 1974 and 2002. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
are at minimal till the year 1978.
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IELTS academic the quantities of wares transported in the UK by different modes of transport

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
186 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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