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The provided graph illustrates some interesting information on the total amount of university graduates in Canada, throughout a period of fifteen years.

The provided graph illustrates some interesting information on the total amount of university graduates in Canada, throughout a period of fifteen years. As it can be clearly seen from the graph, females accounted for more graduates in comparison to males in all the examined years. It is also noticeable that the total number of academic students had been constantly growing since the first year of the graph, with some unsubstantial declines. In particular, with regard to female graduates, although they were approximately 110 thousand in the first two years, their proportion slightly fell between 1995 to 1996, when they accounted for nearly 100 thousand. Since then, the latter proportion had been steadily increasing, reaching 130 thousand in 2002 and peaking at nearly 150 thousand in the last examined year. On the contrary, one of the most striking features of the graph is related to the fact that male graduates appeared to be less than females, as mentioned above. Specifically, their total number had been hovering around 70 thousand in the first nine years of the examined period, demonstrating simultaneously some insignificant fluctuations. Finally, at 2001, males started to account for greater proportions of university graduates and particularly nearly 80 thousand in 2003 and almost 100 thousand between 2006 to 2007. Overall, it is clear that the number of graduates in Canada had been demonstrating an upward trend throughout the years taken into consideration. However, there were some significant variations between the proportion of males and females, correspondingly.
The provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
illustrates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
interesting information on the total amount of university
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graduates
in Canada, throughout a period of fifteen years.

As it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
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graph
,
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females
accounted for more
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graduates
in comparison
to
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males
in all the examined years. It is
also
noticeable that the total number of academic students had been
constantly
growing since the
first
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year
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unsubstantial declines.
In particular
, with regard to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
, although they were approximately 110 thousand in the
first
two years, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
slightly
fell
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1995 and 1996".
between 1995 to 1996
, when they accounted for
nearly
100 thousand. Since then, the latter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
had been
steadily
increasing, reaching 130 thousand in 2002 and peaking at
nearly
150 thousand in the last examined year.

On the contrary
, one of the most striking features of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
is related
to the fact that male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
appeared to be less than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
, as mentioned above.
Specifically
, their total number had been hovering around 70 thousand in the
first
nine years of the examined period, demonstrating
simultaneously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
insignificant fluctuations.
Finally
, at 2001,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to account for greater proportions of university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and
particularly
nearly
80 thousand in 2003 and almost 100 thousand
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2006 and 2007".
between 2006 to 2007
.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
in Canada had been demonstrating an upward trend throughout the years taken into consideration.
However
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant variations between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
,
correspondingly
.
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IELTS academic The provided graph illustrates some interesting information on the total amount of university graduates in Canada, throughout a period of fifteen years.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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