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The diagrams below shows the changes that have taken place at west park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.

The illustrated diagrams demonstrate the transformation that have been taken place at west Park Secondary School since it was built in year 1950. Overall, it is noticed that the school had undergone various significant change throughout the period with the expansion of school main building as well as the addition of car park and playground. It is vividly clear that, in year 1950, the school had one building just right next to the houses. There was playground in the back of the school building and a farm land in the South-west direction from it. After 30 years, the houses were demolished and a car park and Science block were constructed in the place of it. Moreover, sports field was built in the place of farm which was behind the car park. Movingfurther, looking the school in 2010, the car park was extended and the size of the sports field and playground were demolished. The separate area was provided to sport field which was between the car park and the playground.
The illustrated diagrams demonstrate the transformation that have
been taken
place at west
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Park
Secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
since it
was built
in year 1950.
Overall
, it
is noticed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
had undergone various significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
throughout the period with the expansion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
main building
as well
as the addition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
and playground.

It is
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, in year 1950, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
had one building
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
right
next
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. There was playground in the back of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
building and a farm land in the South-west direction from it. After 30 years, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
were demolished
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
and Science block
were constructed
in the place of it.
Moreover
, sports field
was built
in the place of farm which was behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
park.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Movingfurther
, looking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in 2010, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
was extended
and the size of the sports field and playground
were demolished
. The separate area
was provided
to sport field which was between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
and the playground.

IELTS academic The diagrams below shows the changes that have taken place at west park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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