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the proportion of total music sales by three different modes

the proportion of total music sales by three different modes 7LjMk
The line graph illustrates the proportion of total music sales by three different modes between 2011 to 2018. Overall, it can be seen that the rate of music sales by Downloads and CDs purchased decrease over the given period while Streams purchase has an upward direction. Looking first at two methods is Streams and CDs, in 2011, the percentage for spending on CDs was highest of all categories while the percentage for spending on Streams was lowest, with the proportion of the former about 55% and that of the latter about 5%. Over the next six years, a slight decrease was recorded in the percentage of total music sales by CDs while that of Streams dramatically rose. In the last year of period, the percentage of
The line graph illustrates the proportion of total music sales by three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
modes
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2011 and 2018".
between 2011 to 2018
.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the rate of music sales by Downloads and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
decrease over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Streams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
has an upward direction.

Looking
first
at two methods is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Streams
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
, in 2011, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
for spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
was highest of all categories while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
for spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Streams
was lowest, with the proportion of the former about 55% and that of the latter about 5%. Over the
next
six years, a slight decrease
was recorded
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of total music sales by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
while that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Streams
dramatically
rose. In the last year of period, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of

IELTS academic the proportion of total music sales by three different modes

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
125 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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