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the proportion of students of a university who could speak other languages in addition to English between 2000 to 2010

the proportion of students of a university who could speak other languages in addition to English between 2000 to 2010 7JQEy
The charts show the proportions of British students at a university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English between 2000 to 2010. It is considerable that Spanish learners held the highest percentage among other languages beside having a 5% increase in 2010. However, there was a 10% difference in the portion of students who only spoke English by 2010. In 2000, most of the learners were known as bilinguals comprising 70% of the proportions and a big part of them (30%) were the ones who spoke Spanish. Thus, 20% of British students were speaking no other languages rather than English and only 10% of other students included multilinguistics. Nonetheless, in 2010, there was a substantial distinction between the portion of bilingual learners with 80% and the percentage of those who were only speaking English or more than two languages with 20% (60% difference) which illustrates the positive fact that more people started to learn a second language in addition to their natal tongue. In that year, the percentage of Spanish speakers and multilinguistics rose in a similar way (both with 5% increase) unlike French speakers’ percentage which had a 5% decrease (declined to 10%). Also there was no change in the proportion of the students who could speak German too (stable at 10%). Overall, Spanish speakers still contained the majority of learners of that university and the percentage of students learning a new language increased over ten years due to the fall in the portion of those who only know English or more than two languages.
The charts
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show
the proportions of British
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students
at a university in England
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who
were able to speak
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other
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languages
in addition
to English
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2000 and 2010".
between 2000 to 2010
.

It is considerable that Spanish
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learners
held the highest
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percentage
among
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other
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languages
beside having a 5% increase in 2010.
However
, there was a 10% difference in the portion of
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students
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who
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only
spoke English by 2010.

In 2000, most of the
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learners
were known
as bilinguals comprising 70% of the proportions and a
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big
part of them (30%) were the ones
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who
spoke Spanish.
Thus
, 20% of British
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students
were speaking no
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other
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languages
rather
than English and
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only
10% of
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other
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students
included
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multilinguistics
.

Nonetheless, in 2010, there was a substantial distinction between the portion of bilingual
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learners
with 80% and the
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percentage
of those
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who
were
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only
speaking English or more than two
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languages
with 20% (60% difference) which illustrates the
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positive
fact that more
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people
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started
to learn a second
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language
in addition
to their natal tongue. In that year, the
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percentage
of Spanish speakers and
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multilinguistics
rose
Consider replacing "in a similar way" with the adverb for "similar"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a similar way
(both with 5% increase) unlike French speakers’
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percentage
which had a 5% decrease (declined to 10%).
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there was no
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change
in the proportion of the
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students
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who
could speak German too (stable at 10%).

Overall
, Spanish speakers
still
contained the majority of
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learners
of that university and the
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percentage
of
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students
learning a new
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language
increased over ten years due to the fall in the portion of those
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who
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only
know English or more than two
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languages
.
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IELTS academic the proportion of students of a university who could speak other languages in addition to English between 2000 to 2010

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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