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The proportion of pupils attending post and pre School types between 2000 and 2009 are mentioned in the graph

The proportion of pupils attending post and pre School types between 2000 and 2009 are mentioned in the graph leMd9
The rendered table illustratesthe information about how many students got enrolled in four kinds of course since 2000 to until 2009. Overall, it is perspective that other preschools accept community schools experienced decline in their numbers, while community School had significant increase over the period. Explicitly, specialist schools had 12% students, it decreased by 2% in 2009. On the other hand, grammar schools, whose pupil rate was 24% fell to its half around 12% in the last year. Furthermore, voluntary- controlled School accounted almost half of the students, was going to shrink in 2005 at 38% and continue to fall in 2009 and reached at a quarter. On the contrary, community schools had 12% admission rate initially and begin to rise in the next 5 years, showed 20% increase rate. In 2009, community schools had highest enrollment rate, at 58% as compared to other schools
The rendered table
Possible spelling mistake found.
illustratesthe
information about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
enrolled in four kinds
of course
since 2000 to until 2009.

Overall
, it is perspective that other preschools accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
experienced decline in their numbers, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
had significant increase over the period.

Explicitly
, specialist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
had 12% students, it decreased by 2% in 2009.
On the other hand
, grammar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, whose pupil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was 24% fell to its half around 12% in the last year.

Furthermore
, voluntary- controlled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
accounted almost half of the students, was going to shrink in 2005 at 38% and continue to fall in 2009 and reached at a quarter.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
had 12% admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
initially
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to rise in the
next
5 years,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
20% increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. In 2009,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
enrollment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
, at 58% as compared to other
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
schools
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IELTS academic The proportion of pupils attending post and pre School types between 2000 and 2009 are mentioned in the graph

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
144 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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