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the proportion of alternative energy

the proportion of alternative energy 95O67
The bar chart below illustrates the proportion of alternative energy in total energy supply in 7 countries, saying Slovakia, USA, Japan, China, Greece, EU in two given years: 2005 and 2009. Overall, there is no significant difference of countries (USA, Japan, France) in use of renewable energy in 2005 and 2009. Another interesting point is that Slovakia and Greece are two countries that the most and the least amount of replaceable energy, respectively. the figure of renewable energy used in Slovakia occupied the most significant percentage of 10% in 2005. Next, USA take a second place, comprised a proportion of 9%. Both France and Japan consumed alternative energy at the threshold of 8%. Likewise, China and EU also shared the equal sector of fuel as 5%. Only 1, 7% of renewable energy used in Greece. In 2009, the most significant proportion still belonged to Slovakia. However, USA and France accounted for an equal share of about 8%. Compared to USA and France, this period witnessed an upward trend in the figure of renewable energy used Japan about 8, 5%. Both China and EU consumed alternative energy at the threshold of 6%. Meanwhile, Greece takes the last place, which accounted for only 2 %.
The bar chart below illustrates the proportion of alternative
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energy
in total
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energy
supply in 7 countries, saying Slovakia, USA,
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Japan
, China, Greece, EU in two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years: 2005 and 2009.
Overall
, there is no significant difference of countries (USA,
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Japan
, France) in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
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renewable
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energy
in 2005 and 2009. Another interesting point is that Slovakia and Greece are two countries that the most and the least amount of replaceable
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energy
,
respectively
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
figure of
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renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in Slovakia occupied the most significant percentage of 10% in 2005.
Next
, USA
The singular proper name 'USA' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "takes", "took".
take
a second place, comprised a proportion of 9%. Both France and
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Japan
consumed alternative
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energy
at the threshold of 8%.
Likewise
, China and EU
also
shared the equal sector of fuel as 5%.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
1, 7% of
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renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in Greece.

In 2009, the most significant proportion
still
belonged to Slovakia.
However
, USA and France accounted for an equal share of about 8%. Compared
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the USA".
to USA
and France, this period witnessed an upward trend in the figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
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Japan
about 8, 5%. Both China and EU consumed alternative
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energy
at the threshold of 6%. Meanwhile, Greece takes the last place, which accounted for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2 %.
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IELTS academic the proportion of alternative energy

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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