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the process of a glacier

the process of a glacier QKeey
This diagram shows how a glacier is formed and how it moves and changes the process of a glacier. There are 6 processes of glacial formation and they are in sequence with each other. First, there is snow on the top of the mountain and the temperature on the top is very high. But when the temperature is low the snow will melt and form small icebergs. From those small icebergs, large icebergs are created. Next because mountains are not equal should glaciers fall down mountains. Then because the iceberg slid down the mountain, the rock was swept down the mountain by the glacier. And then, when the glacier reaches the bottom of the mountain, it begins to melt. After flowing into the river, the ice encounters high temperature, so the ice sheets are melted, so the ice is deposited on the river bottom. Ice melts into water and flows into rivers. Finally, the rivers flow into the sea
This diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how a
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glacier
is formed
and how it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the process of a
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glacier
. There are 6 processes of glacial
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
formation and
they are in sequence with each other.
First
, there is snow on the top of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mountain
and the temperature on the top is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when the temperature is low the snow will melt and form
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small
icebergs. From those
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small
icebergs, large icebergs
are created
.
Next
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because
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mountains
are not equal should
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glaciers
fall down
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mountains
. Then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
iceberg
slid down the
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mountain
, the rock
was swept
down the
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mountain
by the
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glacier
. And then, when the
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glacier
reaches the bottom of the
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mountain
, it
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begins
to melt. After flowing into the
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river
, the ice encounters high temperature,
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so
the ice sheets
are melted
,
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so
the ice
is deposited
on the
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river
bottom. Ice melts into water and flows into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rivers
.
Finally
, the
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rivers
flow into the sea

IELTS academic the process of a glacier

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
158 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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