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the process diagram shows the way in which pears are prepared for the retail market

the process diagram shows the way in which pears are prepared for the retail market JLadD
The diagram illustrates how the canned pears are produced. Overall, it is noticeable that there are 14 main stages in the process of canning the pears, beginning with the fruits are picked by hand and ending with the finished pears can are transported to the customers. First of all, all the pears are picked by hands. Then, these are directly transported to the factory. Next, the fruits will be washed to remove all the dust and then moving to check the quality to ensure its condition are all good. Following this, the pears will be stored in the cold temperature. subsequently, the fruits will be given a weighed then removed all the skin before cutting into suitable slices. Next, they are ready to put into cans then sealed. The next step is that all the cans will be sterilizing and then it will be labeled. Subsequently, these cans are moved to the storage before dispatching to the supermarkets and shops for sale.
The diagram illustrates how the canned pears
are produced
.

Overall
, it is noticeable that there are 14 main stages in the process of canning the pears, beginning with the fruits
are picked
by hand and ending with the finished pears
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
can
are transported
to the customers.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, all the pears
are picked
by hands. Then, these are
directly
transported to the factory.
Next
, the fruits will
be washed
to remove all the dust and then moving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the quality to ensure its condition are all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. Following this, the pears will
be stored
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
temperature.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
subsequently
, the fruits will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a weighed then removed all the skin
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
cutting into suitable slices.
Next
, they are ready to put into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
then sealed. The
next
step is that all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
will be sterilizing and then it will
be labeled
.
Subsequently
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to the storage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
dispatching to the supermarkets and shops for sale.

IELTS academic the process diagram shows the way in which pears are prepared for the retail market

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
162 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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