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the portion of Australian men and women in six age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

the portion of Australian men and women in six age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. JLL0a
The bar chart contrasts the portion of Australian men and women in six age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. In this year, middle ages women (45-54 years old), comprised the most physically active group with the percentage of 53. 3%. Meanwhile, men with 35-44 years old were the least active ones with 39. 5%. During 2010, 52. 8% of men in the age 15-24 age group were being physically active whish was the highest percentage for this gender. However, it started to gradually decrease with going through next age categories until their percentage starts to grow again for men of 45-65 or over years old. For the youngest age group, women’s proportion who did physical activity was less than men in the same age. On the other hand, in the higher age categories, their percentage was more than men’s but then again it started to fall until it was more or less similar to the percentage of men of 65 or over age group both of which comprised approximately 47% of physically active people. Finally, there was a confliction in the percentage of different age categories for two genders which started with a fall and then increase for men. Meanwhile, for women it was the other way around. Generally women in most of these age groups were more physically active except those between 15-24 years old.
The bar chart contrasts the portion of Australian
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men
and
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women
in six
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age
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groups
who did regular physical activity in 2010.

In this
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year
, middle
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ages
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women
(45-54 years
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old
), comprised the most
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physically
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active
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group
with the
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percentage
of 53. 3%. Meanwhile,
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men
with 35-44 years
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old
were the least
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active
ones with 39. 5%.

During 2010, 52. 8% of
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men
in the
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age
15-24
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age
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group
were being
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physically
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active
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whish
was the highest
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percentage
for this gender.
However
, it
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started
to
gradually
decrease with going through
next
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age
categories until their
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percentage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to grow again for
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men
of 45-65 or over years
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old
.

For the youngest
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age
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group
,
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women’s
proportion who did physical activity was less than
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men
in the same
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age
.
On the other hand
, in the higher
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age
categories, their
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percentage
was more than
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men’s
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but
then again it
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started
to fall until it was more or less similar to the
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percentage
of
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men
of 65 or over
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age
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group
both of which comprised approximately 47% of
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physically
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active
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people
.

Finally
, there was a confliction in the
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percentage
of
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different
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age
categories for two genders which
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started
with a fall and then increase for
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men
. Meanwhile, for
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women
it was the other way around.
Generally
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women
in most of these
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
were more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
except those between 15-24 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
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IELTS academic the portion of Australian men and women in six age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
229 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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