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The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today P0rX
The diagrams represent the changes of Grange Park from 1920 to the recent year. Overall, it is noticeable that this public park has a significant changes over time. However, the rose garden and the entrance from Arnold Avenue and Eldon Street remained the same. Focusing on before the renovation, it is noticeable that there is a water fountain at the middle of the park, which is between the entrance from Arnold Avenue and Eldon Street. Moreover, the stage for musicians, which located beside the fountain, surrounds with the rose garden and seats. On the contrary, the other sides of the fountain including a small area of rose garden near the avenue entrance, glasshouse next to the street entrance, pond for water plants at the upper corner, and seats. Turning to the current year, the water fountain changes to the rose garden surrounding by seats at all direction and the glasshouse have reconstructed to the enormous water feature, which there is an entrance for underground car park beside it. In addition, the stages have been develop to the Amphitheater for concerts, but the rose garden near the stages remain at the same position. However, the garden near the Avenue entrance has been change to a cafe and remove the pond to make a new children’s play area.
The diagrams represent the
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changes
of Grange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Park
from 1920 to the recent year.

Overall
, it is noticeable that this public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
has a significant
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "change"?
changes
over time.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
from Arnold
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Avenue
and Eldon Street remained the same.

Focusing on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the renovation, it is noticeable that there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fountain
at the middle of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
, which is between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
from Arnold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Avenue
and Eldon Street.
Moreover
, the stage for musicians, which located beside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fountain
, surrounds with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
and seats.
On the contrary
, the other sides of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fountain
including a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
area of
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rose
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garden
near the
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avenue
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entrance
, glasshouse
next
to the street
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entrance
, pond for
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water
plants at the upper corner, and seats.

Turning to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
year, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fountain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
to the
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rose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
surrounding by seats at all direction and the glasshouse have reconstructed to the enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
feature, which there is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
for underground car
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park
beside it.
In addition
, the stages have been
Consider using a past participle here: "developed".
develop
to the Amphitheater for concerts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rose
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garden
near the stages remain at the same position.
However
, the
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garden
near the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Avenue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
to a
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
and remove the pond to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a new children’s play area.
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IELTS academic The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
216 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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