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The pie presents the proportion of water consumption by different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007

The pie presents the proportion of water consumption by different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007 N3PVW
Task 1 The pie presents the proportion of water consumption by different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007 It is clear that there was a significant upwards trend of the percentage of service industry and the rate of residential meanwhile the data of producing, constructions and food industry experienced a gradual going down in 1997 and 2007. The quantity of food industry was ranked the first that of construction was the lowest figure. In 1997, The proportion of food industry made up 48% which was 33% lower than that of the quantity of service industry. The percentage of food and service industry consumed double the figure. Besides, in 2007 the data of food industry witnessed a slight falling to 41%. However, the percentage of service industry increased significantly by 12% that of facility industry increased two fold. In 1997, The rate of producible about 19% that of it slight downward trend to 11% in 2007 meanwhile the percentage of the residential had a less than a fifth, there was gradual growth of this by a quarter and the proportion of construction was the lowest that of erection a minority there was minimal reduction to 2%.
Task 1

The pie presents the proportion of water consumption by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there was a significant upwards trend of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
and the rate of residential meanwhile the data of producing, constructions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
experienced a gradual going down in 1997 and 2007. The quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
was ranked
the
first
that of construction was the lowest figure.

In 1997, The proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
made up 48% which was 33% lower than that of the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
consumed double the figure.
Besides
, in 2007 the data of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
witnessed a slight falling to 41%.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
increased
significantly
by 12% that of facility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
increased
The adjective or adverb 'twofold' needs to be written as one word.
two fold
.

In 1997, The rate of producible about 19% that of it slight downward trend to 11% in 2007 meanwhile the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of the residential had a less than a fifth, there was gradual growth of this by a quarter and the proportion of construction was the lowest that of erection a minority there was minimal reduction to 2%.
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IELTS academic The pie presents the proportion of water consumption by different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
197 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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