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The pie graphs below show the results of a survey of children's activities. the first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in.Whereas the second graph shows the activities in which girls participate.

The pie charts in straight a survey result which compares the type of cultural and freedom activities boys and girls participate in. Overall, boys only paper computer games and outdoor sports, while girls mostly participate in activities like dancing, reading and gymnastics. as is presented in the charts, computer games emerged the most preferred activity among boys(34%), this is followed by basketball with 26% participation rate, Soccer was second to least preferred activity. On the other hand, the girls mostly preferred dancing activity with 21%. The girls were interested in reading activity with 21%. Playing computer games was not popular in girls. In the network and gymnastics activities girls were participated in 15% and 11% respectively. Listening to music was the that activity which both were give equal preference.
The pie charts in straight a survey result which compares the type of cultural and freedom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
boys and
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girls
participate in.

Overall
, boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
paper computer games and outdoor sports, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
mostly
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like dancing, reading and gymnastics.

as
is presented
in the charts, computer games emerged the most preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
among boys(34%), this
is followed
by basketball with 26% participation rate, Soccer was second to least preferred activity.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
mostly
preferred dancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
with 21%. The
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girls
were interested
in reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
with 21%. Playing computer games was not popular in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. In the network and gymnastics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
were participated
in 15% and 11%
respectively
. Listening to music was the that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
which both were give equal preference.

IELTS academic The pie graphs below show the results of a survey of children's activities. the first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in. Whereas the second graph shows the activities in which girls participate.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
129 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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