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The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. eDnW
The two pie graph gives the information about children’s activities and the survey results of it. Overall, the both genders relish listening to music equally. On the other hand, basket ball was only played by boys and 15% of girls seem interested playing netball. In boys the highest percentage is 34% which is computer games and least is reading which is 2%. However girls were more into reading in their leisure time and only 16% were playing computer games. Moreover, taking a closer look to both the charts 11% of girls like Gymnastic on the contrary 11% of boys like skateboarding. In additionally, Girls highest rate of interest of cultural activity is dancing 27% participants.
The two pie graph gives the information about children’s activities and the survey results of it.

Overall
, the both genders relish listening to music
equally
.
On the other hand
, basket ball was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
played by boys and 15% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
seem interested playing netball. In boys the highest percentage is 34% which is computer games and least is reading which is 2%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
were more into reading in their leisure time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
16% were playing computer games.

Moreover
, taking a closer look to both the charts 11% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
like Gymnastic
on the contrary
11% of boys like skateboarding. In
additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Girls
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
rate of interest of cultural activity is dancing 27% participants.

IELTS academic The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
115 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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