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The bar graph gives information about the percentage of men and women in Australia who had post-school qualifications in 1999.

The bar graph gives information about the percentage of men and women in Australia who had post-school qualifications in 1999. jKxw
The bar graph gives information about the percentage of men and women in Australia who had post-school qualifications in 1999. Overall, more males had skilled vocational diploma, post graduate diploma and master’s degree than females, whereas the proportion of females with undergraduate diploma and Bachelor’s degree was higher than that of men with these degrees. Around 90% of men had skilled vocational diploma as opposed to only 10% of women who had this diploma. While 70% of males had post graduate diploma only 30% of females possessed the same qualification in 1999. By contrast, around 70% of females held undergraduate diploma and this figure was twice as much as that of males (35%) who possessed this qualification. Similarly, the proportion of females with Bachelor’s degree was slightly higher than the proportion of males with the same degree. There were around 55% of females with Bachelor’s degree while around 48% of males had this degree.
The bar graph gives information about the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in Australia who had post-school qualifications in 1999.
Overall
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
had skilled vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
, post graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
and master’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
, whereas the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
with undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
and Bachelor’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
was higher than that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
with these degrees.

Around 90% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
had skilled vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
as opposed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% of women who had this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
had post graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
30% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
possessed the same qualification in 1999. By contrast, around 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
held undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
and this figure was twice as much as that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
(35%) who possessed this qualification.
Similarly
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
with Bachelor’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
was
slightly
higher than the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
with the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
. There were around 55% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
with Bachelor’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
while around 48% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
had this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
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IELTS academic The bar graph gives information about the percentage of men and women in Australia who had post-school qualifications in 1999.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
154 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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