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The pie charts show the young from 18 to 25 years old used different machines to enjoy television shows in 2009 and 2019.

The pie charts show the young from 18 to 25 years old used different machines to enjoy television shows in 2009 and 2019. dp0md
The pie charts show the young from 18 to 25 years old used different machines to enjoy television shows in 2009 and 2019. Overall, it is clear that conventional TV was the most popular device in 2009 and in the year 2019 the largest proportion of people were watching television programs on flat-screen TV. Additionally, there was the greatest change in the figure for conventional TV over a 10 years period. In 2009, the percentage of TV shows’ spectators using mobile phones occupied 15% in contrast to the year 2019 that was the second largest figure for people watching TV programs with more than quarter. The smallest proportion of viewers used tablets at 5 % in 2009 and there was a moderate increase of 14% in the statistics of users of this device in 2019. The highest percentage was that of youngsters watching on flat-screen TV at 27% in 2919 while it just took up 8% in 2009. The data of the laptop and the desktop computer decreased regularly by 8% over the period. Lastly, the greatest figure was for conventional TV at 34% in 2009 but the percentage of people who used this device to watch TV shows dropped to 4% in 2019.
The pie charts
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show
the young from 18 to 25 years
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old
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used
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different
machines to enjoy television
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shows
in 2009 and 2019.

Overall
, it is
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clear
that conventional TV was the most popular device in 2009 and in the
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year
2019 the largest proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were watching television programs on flat-screen TV.
Additionally
, there was the greatest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the figure for conventional TV over a 10 years period.

In 2009, the percentage of TV
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shows’
spectators using mobile phones occupied 15%
in contrast
to the
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year
2019 that was the second largest figure for
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people
watching TV programs with more than quarter. The smallest proportion of viewers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
tablets at 5 % in 2009 and there was a moderate increase of 14% in the statistics of users of this device in 2019. The highest percentage was that of youngsters watching on flat-screen TV at 27% in 2919 while it
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just
took up 8% in 2009.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
data of the laptop and the desktop computer decreased
regularly
by 8% over the period.
Lastly
, the greatest figure was for conventional TV at 34% in 2009
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the percentage of
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people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
this device to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
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shows
dropped to 4% in 2019.
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IELTS academic The pie charts show the young from 18 to 25 years old used different machines to enjoy television shows in 2009 and 2019.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
204 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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