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The pie charts show the spending habits of American on different categories over a 30 years

The pie charts show the spending habits of American on different categories over a 30 years kb67N
The information about the utilisation of money on diverse categories in America from 1966 to 1996 is depicted by the given pie charts. The data has been measured in percentage. Overall, it can be evidently seen that American had spent the highest proportion of capital on car, whereas expenditure on petrol was identical throughout the given time frame. Looking at the details, it is apparent that initiating at 44% in the very first year, the pecentile of salary on food were dropped by residents of America to 14% in 1996. Although spending wages was just a fifth for car in the initial year, this amount surged drastically to just under a half, which was highest percentage of money in the following period. Interestingly, the proportion of capital was almost remained constant, which comprised to 8% during the given time years. Probing further, the amount of money was twice on eating out in 1996than that of 1966. The former was 14%, the latter was 7%. In terms of furniture, Utilization of money was precisely one-tenth in 1966, whist this plunged by 2% in end of the year. An escalation of 9% was observed in case of computers in1996. 6% and 1% was recorded on books in 1966 and 1996 respectively.
The information about the
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on diverse categories in America from 1966 to 1996
is depicted
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts. The data has
been measured
in percentage.

Overall
, it can be
evidently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that American had spent the highest proportion of capital on car, whereas expenditure on petrol was identical throughout the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time frame.

Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, it is apparent that initiating at 44% in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
year, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pecentile
of salary on food
were dropped
by residents of America to 14% in 1996. Although spending wages was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a fifth for car in the initial year, this amount surged
drastically
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under a half, which was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the following period.
Interestingly
, the proportion of capital was almost remained constant, which comprised to 8% during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time years.

Probing
further
, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was twice on eating out in 1996than that of 1966. The former was 14%, the latter was 7%. In terms of furniture,
Do not mix variants of the same word ('utilization' and 'utilisation') within a single text.
Utilization
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was
precisely
one-tenth in 1966, whist this plunged by 2% in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year. An escalation of 9%
was observed
in case of computers in1996. 6% and 1%
was recorded
on books in 1966 and 1996
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The pie charts show the spending habits of American on different categories over a 30 years

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
209 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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