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Proportion of population aged 65 and over in three countries Japan,Frand and Yemen from 1960 to 2040

Proportion of population aged 65 and over in three countries Japan, Frand and Yemen from 1960 to 2040 265M6
The line chart below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1960 and 2040 in three distinct countries. In general, 2 of 3 country were mentioned are following an upward trend, except Yemen. In 2040 Japan will have the most population aged 65 and over, France stay in the 2nd position and the last one is Yemen. At the beginning, all of these countries didn’t have an equivalent stat. France with 11%, Japan with 5, 6% and Yemen with 3, 7%. Thoroughly, from 1990 to 2020 Japan increased considerably from 11% straight to 28%. Meanwhile, France has an unstable line from 1960 to 2000, but from 2000 too 2400 France has gradually increasement. In the other hand, Yemen follows a stable progress, this country always stay at the bottom of the chart, in 2000 the line dropped to 2, 6%, which is the lowest point that any 1 of these countries could reach to.
The line chart below
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shows
the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1960 and 2040 in three distinct countries.

In general
, 2 of 3
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country
were mentioned
are following an upward trend, except Yemen. In 2040 Japan will have the most population aged 65 and over, France stay in the 2nd position and the last one is Yemen. At the beginning, all of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
didn’t have an equivalent stat. France with 11%, Japan with 5, 6% and Yemen with 3, 7%.
Thoroughly
, from 1990 to 2020 Japan increased
considerably
from 11% straight to 28%. Meanwhile, France has an unstable line from 1960 to 2000,
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but
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 2000 to 2400"?
from 2000 too 2400
France has
gradually
Possible spelling mistake found.
increasement
. In the other hand, Yemen follows a stable progress, this
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country
always stay at the bottom of the chart, in 2000 the line dropped to 2, 6%, which is the lowest point that any 1 of these
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countries
could reach to.
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IELTS academic Proportion of population aged 65 and over in three countries Japan, Frand and Yemen from 1960 to 2040

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
158 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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