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The pie charts show the first place Germans and Nigerians go to in order to access the news in a typical week.

The pie charts show the first place Germans and Nigerians go to in order to access the news in a typical week. J0aKB
The charts give the information about citizens in Germany and Nigeria go first to find out the news in a week. It is noticeable that watching TV is the most common way of finding out the news in both countries. Besides, the ways people in two countries, Germany and Nigeria have a vast difference. In Germany, more than two-fifth access the news by the newspaper. Whereas only a small minority of Nigerians do. In Nigeria, television accounts for the largest percentage, at 63%, which is over twice as much as in Germany. In Nigeria, the second-highest category is the radio which is more than a fifth, while in Germany, it less than a half. Around a tenth of Germans use the Internet to get the news first. But, only 1% of Nigerians use the Internet. In both countries, the news from other sources, friends and family take a small percentage, at 4% and 1% in that order.
The charts give the information about citizens in Germany and Nigeria go
first
to find out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in a week.

It is noticeable that watching TV is the most common way of finding out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in both countries.
Besides
, the ways
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in two countries, Germany and Nigeria have a vast difference.

In Germany, more than two-fifth access the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
by the newspaper.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
minority of Nigerians do. In Nigeria, television accounts for the largest percentage, at 63%, which is over twice as much as in Germany. In Nigeria, the second-highest category is the radio which is more than a fifth, while in Germany, it less than a half. Around a tenth of Germans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
first
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% of Nigerians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet. In both countries, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
from other sources, friends and family take a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
percentage, at 4% and 1% in that order.
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IELTS academic The pie charts show the first place Germans and Nigerians go to in order to access the news in a typical week.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
157 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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