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The pie charts show the causes of diseases that lead to death in developing and developed countries

The pie charts show the causes of diseases that lead to death in developing and developed countries KlXG6
The pie charts show the causes of diseases that lead to death in developing and developed countries Overall, heart disease and infectious & parasitic diseases are the main reason which caused the deaths in the developing countries group, whereas that causes in developed countries group are far lower. In developing countries group, the heart disease and infectious & parasitic diseases are the main causes of deaths as their proportions took the top of the first chart with 43% and 46%. In addition, the data on cancer which caused the deaths is far lower than 2 top of causes accounts for 9% respectively and nearly 5 times as high as other causes. In developed countries group, it can be seen that the infectious & parasitic diseases caused the deaths is the lowest proportion, whereas the figure for other causes are counter with the developing group and take a half data of the chart and become the main causes that lead to deaths. Moreover, heart disease and cancer take the second and third place of the main causes that lead to deaths in the given second chart with 24% and 21% respectively.
The pie
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charts
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show
the
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causes
of
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diseases
that lead to death in
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developing
and
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developed countries


Overall
, heart
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disease
and infectious & parasitic
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diseases
are the
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main
reason which caused the deaths in the
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developing
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countries
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group
, whereas that
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causes
in developed
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countries
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group
are far lower.

In
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developing
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countries
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group
, the heart
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disease
and infectious & parasitic
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diseases
are the
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main
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causes
of deaths as their proportions took the top of the
first
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chart
with 43% and 46%.
In addition
, the data on cancer which caused the deaths is far lower than 2 top of
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causes
accounts for 9%
respectively
and
nearly
5 times as high as other causes.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
developed
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countries
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group
, it can be
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seen
that the infectious & parasitic
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diseases
caused the deaths is the lowest proportion, whereas the figure for other
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causes
are counter with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and take a half data of the
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chart
and become the
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main
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causes
that lead to deaths.
Moreover
, heart
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disease
and cancer take the second and third place of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
that lead to deaths in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
with 24% and 21%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The pie charts show the causes of diseases that lead to death in developing and developed countries

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
190 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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