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The pie charts illustrates the online shopping purchases in various retail sectors namely travel, film/music, books and clothes in New Zealand for the years 2003 and 2013. Overall, at the beginning period travel sector registered as the highest contribution whereas books are the lowest contribution in online sales. But at the end of period, this scenario completely changed, the film/music emerged as the biggest contribution and then clothes marked as the smallest contribution. In the year 2003, travel was the highest source of sales in online shopping which was 36% whereas film/music and clothes has an almost equal share of 21% and 24% respectively. In contrast books hits the lowest point of online shopping sales in the year 2003 with 19% only. In the year 2013, trends are changed film/music stood first in place to contribute highest sales with 33% followed by travel with 29%. Whereas, books sales rose by only 3% in over period of 10 years and is 22% while the online shopping sa

The pie charts illustrates the online shopping purchases in various retail sectors namely travel, film/music, books and clothes in New Zealand for the years 2003 and 2013. Overall, at the beginning period travel sector registered as the highest contribution whereas books are the lowest contribution in online sales. But at the end of period, this scenario completely changed, the film/music emerged as the biggest contribution and then clothes marked as the smallest contribution. In the year 2003, travel was the highest source of sales in online shopping which was 36% whereas film/music and clothes has an almost equal share of 21% and 24% respectively. In contrast books hits the lowest point of online shopping sales in the year 2003 with 19% only. In the year 2013, trends are changed film/music stood first in place to contribute highest sales with 33% followed by travel with 29%. Whereas, books sales rose by only 3% in over period of 10 years and is 22% while the online shopping sa d88K
The pie charts illustrates the online shopping purchases in various retail sectors namely travel, film/music, books and clothes in New Zealand for the years 2003 and 2013. Overall, at the beginning period travel sector registered as the highest contribution whereas books are the lowest contribution in online sales. But at the end of period, this scenario completely changed, the film/music emerged as the biggest contribution and then clothes marked as the smallest contribution. In the year 2003, travel was the highest source of sales in online shopping which was 36% whereas film/music and clothes has an almost equal share of 21% and 24% respectively. In contrast books hits the lowest point of online shopping sales in the year 2003 with 19% only. In the year 2013, trends are changed film/music stood first in place to contribute highest sales with 33% followed by travel with 29%. Whereas, books sales rose by only 3% in over period of 10 years and is 22% while the online shopping sales of clothes drastically reduced and contributes lowest among all the sectors and also in all the years.
The pie charts illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
in various retail sectors
namely
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travel
, film/music,
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books
and
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clothes
in New Zealand for the years 2003 and 2013.

Overall
, at the beginning period
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
sector registered as the highest contribution whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are the lowest contribution in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of period, this scenario completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, the film/music emerged as the biggest contribution and then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
marked as the smallest contribution.

In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2003,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
was the highest source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
which was 36% whereas film/music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
has an almost equal share of 21% and 24%
respectively
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
contrast
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books
hits the lowest point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in the
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year
2003 with 19%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the
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year
2013, trends are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
film/music stood
first
in place to contribute
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
with 33% followed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
with 29%. Whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
rose by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3% in over period of 10 years and is 22% while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and contributes lowest among all the sectors and
also
in all the years.
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IELTS academic The pie charts illustrates the online shopping purchases in various retail sectors namely travel, film/music, books and clothes in New Zealand for the years 2003 and 2013. Overall, at the beginning period travel sector registered as the highest contribution whereas books are the lowest contribution in online sales. But at the end of period, this scenario completely changed, the film/music emerged as the biggest contribution and then clothes marked as the smallest contribution. In the year 2003, travel was the highest source of sales in online shopping which was 36% whereas film/music and clothes has an almost equal share of 21% and 24% respectively. In contrast books hits the lowest point of online shopping sales in the year 2003 with 19% only. In the year 2013, trends are changed film/music stood first in place to contribute highest sales with 33% followed by travel with 29%. Whereas, books sales rose by only 3% in over period of 10 years and is 22% while the online shopping sa

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
183 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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