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The pie charts illustrate the proportion of people who was admitted to the local UK collage in 6 different faculties in 2010 and 2012.

The pie charts illustrate the proportion of people who was admitted to the local UK collage in 6 different faculties in 2010 and 2012. Overall, it is clear that significant changes had happened in Sports Science and Nursing courses. It can be seen from data that enrolment percentage for Sports science was 11. 9% in 2010 and increase of this course accounted for about a fourth of all people who was accepted in collage in 2012. As for the Nursing, a figure for this course went through opposite trend, which means it declined by its half and took 12%. In terms of other four faculties, there was not a great change in Engineering, Social studies, Psychologies and carpentry courses during period of time. The highest proportion of enrolment went to the Social Studies in 2010 however it deceased about 21% in 2012 and took a second place in terms of popularity of courses. The last two courses, Carpentry and Psychology had been approximately leveled off over the time( which was 8% and 19% accordingly)
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
was admitted
to the local UK collage in 6
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
faculties in 2010 and 2012.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
had happened in Sports Science and Nursing courses.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from data that
Possible spelling mistake. ‘enrolment’ is British English.
enrolment
percentage for Sports science was 11. 9% in 2010 and increase of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
accounted for about a fourth of all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in collage in 2012. As for the Nursing, a figure for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
went through opposite trend, which means it declined by its half and took 12%.

In terms of other four faculties, there was not a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in Engineering, Social studies, Psychologies and carpentry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
during period of time. The highest proportion of
Possible spelling mistake. ‘enrolment’ is British English.
enrolment
went to the Social Studies in 2010
however
it deceased about 21% in 2012 and took a second place in terms of popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. The last two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, Carpentry and Psychology had been approximately leveled off over the time
Don’t put a space after the opening parenthesis.
(
which was 8% and 19%
accordingly
)
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IELTS academic The pie charts illustrate the proportion of people who was admitted to the local UK collage in 6 different faculties in 2010 and 2012.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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