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The pie charts illustrate the household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in 2010

The pie charts illustrate the household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in 2010 pOK3
The given pie charts demonstrate the amount of consumption made by households in Japan and Malaysia in 2010. Overall, it can clearly be seen that households in both countries spent most of their budget for accommodation, food supplies, and other goods and services. In contrast, health care accounts for the least consumption for both countries. In terms of household in Japan, the two highest figures of consumption were held by food and other products and needs, which accounted for one-fourth and just below 30%, respectively. Moreover, the other two figures which were accommodation and transportation, stood slightly lower at around 20%, while the remaining percentage of 6% being held by healthcare, which was the lowest figure. Regarding the ones in Malaysia, the figure for accommodation makes up just above one-third whereas food and other supplies and services stood at just below 30%. In addition, the two lowest figures were transportation and health care services which accounted for exactly 10% and 3%, respectively.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts demonstrate the amount of consumption made by households in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.

Overall
, it can
clearly
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that households in both countries spent most of their budget for accommodation, food supplies, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services.
In contrast
, health care accounts for the least consumption for both countries.

In terms of household in Japan, the two highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
of consumption
were held
by food and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
products and needs, which accounted for one-fourth and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 30%,
respectively
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
which were accommodation and transportation, stood
slightly
lower at around 20%, while the remaining percentage of 6%
being held
by healthcare, which was the lowest figure.

Regarding the ones in Malaysia, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for accommodation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above one-third whereas food and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
supplies and services stood at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 30%.
In addition
, the two lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
were transportation and health care services which accounted for exactly 10% and 3%,
respectively
.

IELTS academic The pie charts illustrate the household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
162 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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