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The pie charts demonstrate information about the water used in such sectors as residential, industrial, and agricultural

The pie charts demonstrate information about the water used in such sectors as residential, industrial, and agricultural N3A5j
The pie charts demonstrate information about the water used in such sectors as residential, industrial, and agricultural. The numbers are compered between San Diego county, California and the world as a whole. According to the pie charts the most water-consuming sector worldwide is agricultural. It accounts for 69% of total water usage. On the other hand, in the two American regions agricultural water consumption is a minority. It stands at 28% in California and 17% in San Diego. The lowest degree of differentiation is observed in industrial sector. California where the water used for industrial purposes estimates 33 % is slightly ahead of the represented 23% in San Diego county. The same percentage is seen worldwide. Industry consumes 23% of total water usage. Apparently, the residential water usage is the one with the greatest difference. Thus, globally only 8% of total water consumption goes to homes. Versus the tangible 60% in San Diego Country and 39 % in whole California.
The pie charts demonstrate information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in such sectors as residential, industrial, and agricultural. The numbers are
Did you mean the verb "compared" or the noun "compèred" (master of ceremonies)?
compered
between
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
San Diego county
, California and the world as a whole.

According to the pie charts the most water-consuming sector worldwide is agricultural. It accounts for 69% of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
usage.
On the other hand
, in the two American regions agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption is a minority. It stands at 28% in California and 17% in San Diego.

The lowest degree of differentiation
is observed
in industrial sector. California where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for industrial purposes estimates 33 % is
slightly
ahead of the represented 23% in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
San Diego county
. The same percentage is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
worldwide. Industry consumes 23% of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
usage.

Apparently
, the residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
usage is the one with the greatest difference.
Thus
, globally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
8% of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption goes to homes. Versus the tangible 60% in San Diego Country and 39 % in whole California.
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IELTS academic The pie charts demonstrate information about the water used in such sectors as residential, industrial, and agricultural

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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