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The pie charts compare the highest education level of women in someland in 1945 and 1995.

The pie charts compare the highest education level of women in someland in 1945 and 1995. PR1jw
The pie charts compare the highest education level of females in someland in two different years, 1945 and 1995. It is clear that the woman reached the education level in 1995 rather than in 1945. The data changed significantly over the 50 year’s period in Someland. From the first diagram we can see the poor education level among the females of Someland in 1945. The women who did not receive the education accounted for more than a third, equal to the percentage of women completing the Third Grade. Notably, only 1% of women accomplished the First Degree and none of them achieved Post Graduate qualification. After 50 years, these figures improved remarkably. Concretely, neither of the females had under Year 9 education level. The proportion of the women who completed Year 9 in 1995 was one in ten and it still remained stable as the same 50 years ago. Moreover, women who had any schooling experience in Year 12 accounted for approximately 20% in 1995, increased five times as much as in 1945. Especially, more than half of women in Someland in 1995 finished the First Degree and about a fifth of them had the Post Graduate degree at this time.
The pie charts compare the highest
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education
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level
of females in
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someland
in two
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different
years, 1945 and 1995.

It is
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clear
that the woman reached the
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education
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level
in 1995
rather
than in 1945. The data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
over the 50
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year’s
period in
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Someland
.

From the
first
diagram we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the poor
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education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
among the females of
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Someland
in 1945. The
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women
who did not receive the
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education
accounted for more than a third, equal to the percentage of
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women
completing the Third Grade.
Notably
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% of
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women
accomplished the
First
Degree and none of them achieved Post Graduate qualification.

After 50 years, these figures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
remarkably
.
Concretely
, neither of the females had under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Year
9
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
. The proportion of the
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women
who completed
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Year
9 in 1995 was one in ten and it
still
remained stable as the same 50 years ago.
Moreover
,
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women
who had any schooling experience in
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Year
12 accounted for approximately 20% in 1995, increased five times as much as in 1945.
Especially
, more than half of
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women
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
in 1995 finished the
First
Degree and about a fifth of them had the Post Graduate degree at this time.
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IELTS academic The pie charts compare the highest education level of women in someland in 1945 and 1995.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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