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The pie charts compare and contrast data on the changes in the online shopping revenues of various retail categories in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013.

The pie charts compare and contrast data on the changes in the online shopping revenues of various retail categories in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013. dpQ9E
The pie charts compare and contrast data on the changes in the online shopping revenues of various retail categories in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013. Generally speaking, while the film and books sales increased rapidly, the sales of clothes and travel decreased slightly. The revenue of books experienced a significance change. More specifically, The number of books purchased by people showed an upward trend. This figure stood at 19% in 2003, then increased by 3% in 2013. Similarly, The percentage of film revenues increased significantly from 21% to 33% in 2013, being the highest revenues among 4 categories. In contrast, there was a decline in the number of online customers purchasing clothes. The sales of clothes dropped by 9% during the period shown. In 2003, The online sales of travel was above all the sectors. However, they showed a downward trend over the years. The figures witnessed a decrease of 7% in 2013.
The pie charts compare and contrast data on the
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changes
in the online shopping
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revenues
of various retail categories in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013.

Generally
speaking, while the film and books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
increased
rapidly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of clothes and travel decreased
slightly
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
of books experienced a significance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

More
specifically
, The number of books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an upward trend. This figure stood at 19% in 2003, then increased by 3% in 2013.
Similarly
, The percentage of film
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revenues
increased
significantly
from 21% to 33% in 2013, being the highest
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revenues
among 4 categories.

In contrast
, there was a decline in the number of online customers purchasing clothes. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of clothes dropped by 9% during the period shown. In 2003, The online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of travel was
above all
the sectors.
However
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a downward trend over the years. The figures witnessed a decrease of 7% in 2013.
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IELTS academic The pie charts compare and contrast data on the changes in the online shopping revenues of various retail categories in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
154 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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