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the graph and char below show the number of new graduates and employment status in the UK from 1992 to 2002.

the graph and char below show the number of new graduates and employment status in the UK from 1992 to 2002. VPx2A
The change in the number of new graduates and the rate of employment status in Great Britain from 1992 to 2002 is displayed in the line graph and bar chart, respectively. Overall, British students was more and more likely to graduate. Meanwhile, the vast majority of them were to occupy in professional employment. However, all figures showed an upward trend, except it for clerical and secretarial, and professional. Initially, there were around 160000 graduates, with the most popular status as a professional at almost three fifths, followed by them working as a managerial and administrative employee at a fifth. Furthermore, only less than one in ten of the new graduated students were occupied in both clerical and secretarial, and other jobs, while there was no data recorded in the figure for sales. Eventually, although the number of them peaked at 195000, it decreased quite significantly by 25000. Moreover, the percentage of professional status declined to two fifths, then that of managerial and administrative one also experienced a slight downward trend of popularity to below a tenth. This contrasts to two previous figures, the sales and other status inclined moderately to about one in ten, while the remaining one recovered to be twofold of its intial proportion.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the number of new graduates and the rate of employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
in Great Britain from 1992 to 2002
is displayed
in the line graph and bar chart,
respectively
.

Overall
, British students was more and more likely to graduate. Meanwhile, the vast majority of them were to occupy in professional employment.
However
, all figures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an upward trend, except it for clerical and secretarial, and professional.

Initially
, there were around 160000 graduates, with the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
as a professional at almost three fifths, followed by them working as a managerial and administrative employee at a fifth.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
less than one in ten of the new graduated students
were occupied
in both clerical and secretarial, and other jobs, while there was no data recorded in the figure for sales.

Eventually
, although the number of them peaked at 195000, it decreased quite
significantly
by 25000.
Moreover
, the percentage of professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
declined to two fifths, then that of managerial and administrative one
also
experienced a slight downward trend of popularity to below a tenth. This contrasts to two previous figures, the sales and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
inclined
moderately
to about one in ten, while the remaining one recovered to be twofold of its
Possible spelling mistake found.
intial
proportion.
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IELTS academic the graph and char below show the number of new graduates and employment status in the UK from 1992 to 2002.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
206 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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