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The rate of people watching channel one news everyday during 12 month of period from Jan to Dec, measured by millions.

The rate of people watching channel one news everyday during 12 month of period from Jan to Dec, measured by millions. dpQp6
This line graph illustrates the rate of people watching channel one news everyday during 12 month of period from Jan to Dec, measured by millions. In Jan, the figure for 9: 30 pm is higher than 1 pm. However, in Aug, the number of viewers at 1 pm is more than 9: 30 pm at nearly 1. 5 and just above 1 million, respectively. The trend of 9: 30 pm increases gradually between Jan at almost 3. 2 and May at about 3. 8 million, followed by a dramatic decline up to well over 1 million in Aug, thereafter, it rises sharply ending at 3 million in Dec. Regarding to 11 pm, this figure reaches its peak at 4 million in Aug. Whilst in May is at the lowest point at approximately zero. Focusing on Sep, the figure for 6 pm is much more than 1 pm at 4 and around 1. 2 million, respectively. Moving to 6 pm, in Dec, the trend decreases to nearly quarter at almost 3. 2 million, compared to Jan, where it is at about 5 million. On the other hand, the figure for 11 pm in Aug is nearly three times as many as 9: 30 pm at 4 and just above 1 million, respectively. Overall, the figure for 6 pm in channel one news viewers is the highest, while 1 pm is the lowest in the most of the timescale.
This line graph illustrates the rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
watching channel one news
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
during 12
Possible agreement error. The noun 'month' seems to be countable, so consider using: "months".
month
of period from Jan to Dec, measured by millions.

In Jan, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for 9: 30 pm is higher than 1 pm.
However
, in Aug, the number of viewers at 1 pm is more than 9: 30 pm at
nearly
1. 5 and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
,
respectively
. The trend of 9: 30 pm increases
gradually
between Jan at almost 3. 2 and May at about 3. 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
, followed by a dramatic decline up to well over 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in Aug, thereafter, it rises
sharply
ending at 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in Dec.
The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
11 pm, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
reaches its peak at 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in Aug. Whilst in May is at the lowest point at approximately zero. Focusing on Sep, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for 6 pm is much more than 1 pm at 4 and around 1. 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
,
respectively
. Moving to 6 pm, in Dec, the trend decreases to
nearly
quarter at almost 3. 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
, compared to Jan, where it is at about 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for 11 pm in Aug is
nearly
three times as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as 9: 30 pm at 4 and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
,
respectively
.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for 6 pm in channel one news viewers is the highest, while 1 pm is the lowest in the most of the timescale.
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IELTS academic The rate of people watching channel one news everyday during 12 month of period from Jan to Dec, measured by millions.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
237 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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