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The Pie charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy

Two pie charts compare the outcome of a survey conducted between people of two different age groups about the reasons behind their happiness. Overall, it can be clearly seen that success at work makes people of both age groups happier while other factors is the least reason of their happiness. Look at the details, achievement at work accounts for almost a third of both age groups's joy, at 31% for the young and at 32% for the elder. Similarlly, 24% of people above the age 30 stated that doing hobbies makes them happy as compared to 22% for people below the age 30. On the other hand, travelling and having a good apprearance also make young adults happy which comprised 15% and 18%. In contrast, being with family and financial security account for 14% and 20% in turn for older people. Finally, 14% of younger groups and 10% of old ones were the least percentage of happiness from other factors.
Two pie charts compare the outcome of a survey conducted between
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people
of two
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different
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age
groups about the reasons behind their happiness.
Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that success at work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
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people
of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups happier while other factors is the least reason of their happiness. Look at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, achievement at work accounts for almost a third of both
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age
Did you mean “group’s” or “groups'”?
groups's
joy, at 31% for the young and at 32% for the elder.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Similarlly
, 24% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
above the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
30 stated that doing hobbies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy as compared to 22% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
below the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
30.
On the other hand
, travelling and having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
apprearance
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
young adults happy which comprised 15% and 18%.
In contrast
, being with family and financial security account for 14% and 20% in turn for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Finally
, 14% of younger groups and 10% of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones were the least percentage of happiness from other factors.
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IELTS academic The Pie charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
160 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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