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The pie charts below show the average number of books on loan from a university library per week to undergraduate students, PhD students and junior lecturers.

The pie charts below show the average number of books on loan from a university library per week to undergraduate students, PhD students and junior lecturers. rGJBn
In this modern era of the world, mediocre life expectancy is upsurging dramatically. This essay will suggest that the biggest problems caused by this phenomenon are the investing retirement welfare to old age people from the government, and physically dependency on families and then argue that extending retirement age and consuming healthy food are the most viable solutions. The foremost problems caused by increasing life of an individual are the depletion of regime's find lack of energy to stay fit. As a person retires the employee get specific amount every month without doing job and service to the country, this effects financial department. Furthermore, millions of the people all over the world in their age in 70's becomes dependent on their daughters and sons to feed them because they could not do themselves, and in their youngest ae the have eaten unhealthy food, which contains fat, cholesterol. Children could not breed their parents the way they did in their childhood, for instance: My maternal uncle was hospitalized for 11 years due to his illness, although his son took care of him through years but he sometimes gave up, because it makes hard for them. Possible solutions to these problems would be to extend the retirement age of old people and eating healthy food to stay fit. If each government employee retired in the age of 65 instead of 50, the negative effects on financial department will reduce and giving the service to the country would be beneficial. Furthermore, healthy diet such as carbohydrates, vitamin enriched food, could be eat to stay fit for longer period of an individual age. For Instance: The Japan is the most populated countries in the world and their people successfully employed healthy diet for every one. To conclude, the rising life span of the person somehow is one of the foremost challenges we face, and it will ultimately lead to the loss of government funds after retirement and many of the people solely waste money for their illness, but possible solutions could be to this issue in countries and to solve this as discussed or already used by many countries like Japan and Canada
In this modern era of the world, mediocre life expectancy is upsurging
dramatically
. This essay will suggest that the biggest problems caused by this phenomenon are the investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
welfare to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, and
physically
dependency on families and then argue that extending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are the most viable solutions.

The foremost problems caused by increasing life of an individual are the depletion of regime's find lack of energy to stay fit. As a person retires the employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
specific amount every month without doing job and service to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, this effects financial department.
Furthermore
, millions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
in
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "70s".
70's
becomes dependent on their daughters and sons to feed them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could not do themselves, and in their youngest
Possible spelling mistake found.
ae
the have eaten unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which contains
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, cholesterol. Children could not breed their parents the way they did in their childhood,
for instance
: My maternal uncle
was hospitalized
for 11 years due to his illness, although his son took care of him through years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
gave up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them.

Possible solutions to these problems would be to extend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to stay fit. If each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
employee retired in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65
instead
of 50, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on financial department will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
and giving the service to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would be beneficial.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet such as carbohydrates, vitamin enriched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, could be
Consider using the past participle "eaten"?
eat
to stay fit for longer period of an individual age.

For Instance
: The Japan is the most populated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
successfully
employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet for every one.

To conclude
, the rising life span of the person somehow is one of the foremost challenges we face, and it will
ultimately
lead to the loss of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funds after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
solely
waste money for their illness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
possible solutions could be to this issue in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and to solve this as discussed or already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Japan and Canada
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IELTS academic The pie charts below show the average number of books on loan from a university library per week to undergraduate students, PhD students and junior lecturers.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
358 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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