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The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. MMybN
The pie charts illustrate how much money was spent by the average household in Japan and Malaysia in 2010. Overall, housing was the most spending sector in Malaysia while other goods and services were the most spending segment of Japan. It is interesting to note that health care was the lowest spending segment in both countries. Japan spent nearly a third of the expense on other goods and services in comparison with Malaysia who used just above a quarter. Japan comprised one-fifth of expenditure on transport while Malaysia used twice the expenditure than Japan. Health care was an essential concern for Japan and Malaysia in 2010. They used their disbursement for health care which was 6% and 3%, respectively. By contrast, housing contributed just above one-fifth in Japan whereas 34% was contributed by Malaysia. The food sector made up just under one-fourth in Japan, on the other hand, Malaysia invested 3% more expenditure.
The pie charts illustrate how much money
was spent
by the average household in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and Malaysia in 2010.

Overall
, housing was the most spending sector in Malaysia while other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services were the most spending segment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
. It is interesting to note that health care was the lowest spending segment in both countries.

Japan spent
nearly
a third of the expense on other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services
in comparison
with Malaysia who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above a quarter.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
comprised one-fifth of expenditure on transport while Malaysia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
twice the expenditure than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
. Health care was an essential concern for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and Malaysia in 2010. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their disbursement for health care which was 6% and 3%,
respectively
.

By contrast, housing contributed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above one-fifth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
whereas 34%
was contributed
by Malaysia. The food sector made up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under one-fourth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
,
on the other hand
, Malaysia invested 3% more expenditure.
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IELTS academic The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
153 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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