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The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.

The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. E3dEM
The line graph illustrates the consumer expenditure of cell phone and residential phone in US over 10 years from 2001 to 2010. The craze on mobile phones during early 2000s seemed very less attraction with just $200 overall annual expenditure of the country. The growth of cell phones added tremendous value to people's life style towards end of the decade with total of $800 annual expenditure. However, residential phones had there own standards and was widely used by the consumers of the country with total expenditure approximately leading to $700 during 2001. This wasn't the case as the years crossed it saw gradual decline year by year, with at least $100 decrease in amount spent by the users, which lead individuals shifting towards cellular phones. By the end of the decade it could be seen that large difference in services of residential phones were utilised when compared to start of the decade. Overall, Mobile phones ruled the market with its personalised and portability characteristics over the period that restricted the residential services to greater extent.
The line graph illustrates the consumer expenditure of cell
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phone
and
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residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in US over 10 years from 2001 to 2010.

The craze on mobile
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phones
during early 2000s seemed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less attraction with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
$200
overall
annual expenditure of the country.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
growth of cell
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phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
tremendous value to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life style towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the decade with total of $800 annual expenditure.

However
,
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residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
had there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
standards and was
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the consumers of the country with total expenditure approximately leading to $700 during 2001. This wasn't the case as the years crossed it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
gradual decline
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year
by
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year
, with at least $100 decrease in amount spent by the users, which lead individuals shifting towards cellular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. By the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the decade it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that large difference in services of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
were
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
when compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the decade.

Overall
, Mobile
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phones
ruled the market with its
Possible spelling mistake. 'personalised' is British English.
personalised
and portability characteristics over the period that restricted the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
services to greater extent.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
175 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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