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The pie charts below show how employment is diveded in Tanzania and Ireland

The pie charts below show how employment is diveded in Tanzania and Ireland 8gX2k
Bestowed is a component exposing a collected data concerning how industries such as manufacturing, construction, agriculture and, service divided into two countries in 1999. As is immediately obvious from the information available in Tanzania a considerable proportion of the chart is agriculture just under four in five (78%) in 1999. Turning to the details only 2 percent of Irish people are in agriculture and forestry. In Tanzania, just over 14 percent of workers chose services involving tourism as well. Meanwhile, in Ireland, a vast majority of employees worked in services just over 70 percent. On the other hand, the least popular industry in Tanzania is a construction which accounted for 0, 6%. So then construction in Ireland was less than 5 percent. It is interesting to note that the energy and water in Ireland just over 1%, but in Tanzania, it was not mentioed. .
Bestowed is a component exposing a collected data concerning how industries such as manufacturing, construction, agriculture and, service divided into two countries in 1999. As is immediately obvious from the information available in Tanzania a considerable proportion of the chart is agriculture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under four in five (78%) in 1999. Turning to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of Irish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in agriculture and forestry. In Tanzania,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 14
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of workers chose services involving tourism
as well
. Meanwhile, in Ireland, a vast majority of employees worked in services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
On the other hand
, the least popular industry in Tanzania is a construction which accounted for 0, 6%.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
then construction in Ireland was less than 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. It is interesting to note that the energy and water in Ireland
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 1%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in Tanzania, it was not
Possible spelling mistake found.
mentioed
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS academic The pie charts below show how employment is diveded in Tanzania and Ireland

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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