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illiteracy rates in different places

illiteracy rates in different places nNQJ7
The bar chart compares the percentages of illiteracy of men and women in 6 different areas. The data is from last year. On the whole, illiteracy rates of women were higher than men in all places and, the rates of men changed according to the area they are living in. Looking at the details, the lowest illiteracy rates belongs to developed countries with both females and males being at around %2. Also, In Latin America and Caribbean the rates of men and women were similar, with males at %10 and females at around %12. The highest female illiteracy rates were recorded in South Asia, Arab states and Sub-Saharan Africa with rates at %55, %52 and %49 respectively. Similarly the highest male illiteracy rates were recorded in the same 3 countries with Arab states being the lowest with around %28. On the other hand, in East Asia and Oceania the male illiteracy rate was around %9 while, the rates of women were %20.
The bar chart compares the percentages of
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illiteracy
of
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men
and
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women
in 6
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different
areas. The data is from last year.

On the whole
,
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illiteracy
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rates
of
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women
were higher than
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men
in all places and, the
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rates
of
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men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
according to the area they are living in.

Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the lowest
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illiteracy
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rates
belongs to
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developed countries
with both females and
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males
being at
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around
%2.
Also
, In Latin America and Caribbean the
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rates
of
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men
and
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women
were similar, with
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males
at %10 and females at
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around
%12. The highest female
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illiteracy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
were recorded
in South Asia, Arab states and Sub-Saharan Africa with
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rates
at %55, %52 and %49
respectively
.
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Similarly
the highest male
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illiteracy
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rates
were recorded
in the same 3 countries with Arab states being the lowest with
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around
%28.
On the other hand
, in East Asia and Oceania the male
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illiteracy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was
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around
%9 while, the
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rates
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were %20.
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IELTS academic illiteracy rates in different places

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
162 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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