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The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest.

The pie chart shows the national expenditure of the United Arab Emirates government in 2000. Generally speaking, the UAE government had a budget of over 300 billion AED and the highest portion of this budget was spent on social security and health & social services. As is given in the diagram, the UAE government spent more than 300 billion AED in ten different sectors in 2000. Social security for the citizens cost the highest budget and it was exactly 100 billion AED. Health and personal social services, on the other hand, required more than 50 billion and this was the second largest budget money allocation for the UAE government in 2000. The UAE authority used 38 billion for education, 17 billion for law and order and 13 billion for job, industry and agriculture. Defence sector cost them 22 billion which was slightly lower than the debt interests the government paid in this year. Housing, heritage and environment got 15 billion which was nearly the same as it was allocated for law and order. Finally, 9 billion was spent on the transportation sector and 23 million for other sectors which are not specifically mentioned in the chart.
The pie chart
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shows
the national expenditure of the United Arab Emirates
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government
in 2000.
Generally
speaking, the UAE
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government
had a
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budget
of over 300
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billion
AED and the highest portion of this
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budget
was spent
on
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social
security and health &
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
services.

As is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the diagram, the UAE
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government
spent more than 300
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billion
AED in ten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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sectors
in 2000.
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Social
security for the citizens cost the highest
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
budget and
it was exactly 100
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billion
AED. Health and personal
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social
services,
on the other hand
, required more than 50
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billion
and this was the second largest
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budget
money allocation for the UAE
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government
in 2000. The UAE authority
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used
38
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billion
for education, 17
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billion
for law and order and 13
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billion
for job, industry and agriculture.
Possible spelling mistake. ‘Defence’ is British English.
Defence
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sector
cost them 22
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billion
which was
slightly
lower than the debt interests the
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government
paid in this year. Housing, heritage and environment
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got
15
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billion
which was
nearly
the same as it
was allocated
for law and order.
Finally
, 9
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billion
was spent
on the transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
and 23 million for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
which are not
specifically
mentioned in the chart.
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IELTS academic The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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